i wrote this about two years ago. It’s not quite the same with the wars of hate and scourges raging around me, but there’s always something, always somebody trying to impose their will on everyone else, and i think this was a projection of me i would not have considered back then.

me. every man; no man

i am every man;
i am no man;
i have been everywhere;
i have been nowhere;
i have seen the heights of joy;
i have seen the depths of despair;
i have laughed; i have cried;
i have found the world and its inhabitants inspiring;
i have found the world and its inhabitants depressing;
i have been loved, and i don’t know why;
i have been hated; and i don’t know why;
i have failed;
i have been successful;
i have watched the generations following mine and become disgusted;
i have watched the generations following mine and been in awe;
i am older than the limbs of a wizened oak;
i am younger than a babbling brook;
i have lost loves;
i have found love;
and
i marvel at my life, the world, the people
while sitting on my perch of older:

it’s a pretty good view.

In this time of cross words and insults (of which i’ve received some dillies), which nearly always leads to worse, i have escaped. i will not discuss politics. i prefer to keep friends from across the spectrum, even though i know i will lose the most strident. That too is okay because that is on them, not me. After i posted last night, i felt free this morning. Maureen and i woke about the same time and did home things together. It was a great feeling. When i saw her at our garden boxes, the below thoughts crossed my mind…and our home grown strawberries taste wonderful, better than the store-bought kind.

It was an odd morning:
grey with a slight drizzle
in southwest corner june;
the marine layer gone a little haywire
with actual rain, not mist to burn off before midday;
saturday morning, early,
we went about our chores
leading us outside;
she walked to the backyard,
lifting the net of the strawberry garden
to pick the luscious red berries
from the thick green foiliage
as i watched undetected
from the side yard
and
i thought of classic paintings
of a woman in a field
but she was more elegant,
more sublime,
even more graceful,
and
i thought of my Aunt Corrine
gathering eggs from the hen house
in the corner of the farmyard
in early morning light
when Papa, my great uncle,
with me by his side would return
from milking the cows in the barn
but
she was not Aunt Corrine;
the strawberries were definitely not eggs
and
she was mine,
still leaving me breathless
at times
just like the first time we met
as she walked toward me
with the sun behind her,
graceful, elegant, sublime
taking my breath away
just like she did
this odd damp june morning.

My period of dismay and sadness at what is going on in this country is not over, but i think i have finally got my head around it and have resolved what i believe is appropriate in terms of what action i, me alone, should take.

i am 76, half way to 77 and with a limited time on this earth. i am either a benevolent fiscally responsible conservative or an anti-politically correct and fiscally responsible liberal, neither of which exist. i believe in the equality of the human race and recognize there are differences in individuals in intelligence, drive, and sadly, good and evil. I have tried to stay out of political involvement but have, in the past, tread too close.

I believe in helping others and being responsible. i believe we should all be accountable and contributors to our society. i believe in what Major Kenneth Morgan defined as “Freedom” during a Latin 101 course at Castle Heights Military Academy course in 1958: “Freedom is the ability to do anything you want as long as it does not interfere, conflict, or deny someone else’s freedom.”

I believe i have been for the equality of all persons, especially those who have a different skin color than mine for most of my life. All of us being human, not different, struck me at a very young age and has remained until now. i think i have avowed this equality since then, but i have not actively protested for it.

i have served in the defense of our constitution because i believe it is not perfect but the best system around and founded base on “All men are created equal.” I am dismayed that people who think they can fix it want to get rid of it and those who have corrupted it want it to remain corrupted for their own purposes and beliefs. I am dismayed and saddened religious groups are becoming political instead of trying to help their believers live good lives.

At 76, i believe i have done my part in contributions to help this country be better and helped the people i’ve met to improve their lives. I believe if i did become active in politics, it would be the sound of the tinkling of a glass in amidst of a clashing of cymbals. i am retired and except for writing, i intend to stay that way. i also believe if you aren’t going to actively participate, you should quit calling out others or making negative comments. i think that is called “put up or shut up.” i intend to shut up.

i stated previously i would make one last political comment. This is it:

i must take a stand concerning the upcoming presidential election. i am not a fan of Joe Biden, but Donald Trump is the worst president we have had in our history. No one has demonstrated such a disregard for respect of others or our politically balanced system of government. No one has taken such disgusting stances and comments to get votes. He is, in my opinion, an egomaniac, even narcissistic.  i am concerned with the Republican Party supporting him and putting the party in an awkward position.

For those of you who are conservative in your views, i respect your position, but you need to find someone else to represent them. Trump is selling you Kool-Aid, and if you believe he is acting in your or the country’s best interest, you have been duped.

If you surprise me and find another candidate to replace him, then i will have to decide to cast my vote based on policy and the candidate’s leadership capabilities and moral standards. It would be difficult for me to decide which way to vote.

But i will not ever vote for Donald Trump and feel it is time to take my stand against him, not the Republican Party, but against Donald Trump.

Well, that ain’t exactly what this should be titled: “At Sea.” But that is where i am at. Lost. Even feeling alone. i have vowed not to write about it, not to talk about it (except with Maureen; it seems we can’t avoid it), not to do anything about it, if anything until i get my head around it, because i’m torn between family and friends taking up their shillelagh’s on the lines they’ve drawn so they demonstrate their fear and hate before…oops, i wasn’t going to write about it.

So what i’ve being doing is revisiting things i found important to me in the past. Memories. It occurred to me i have more memories (and more experience) with the things in vogue to be fixed…oops, again. i found this one on torn out pages of a wheel book. You know what Navy folks used for a brain before fancy notebooks guiding you through the items and giving you dates and stuff  and requiring you to place a priority on every thing you wrote down, and before such magnificent automatic tell you about it tracking came with the computer directing you how you should keep track of events and actions required and who should do what to whom, but back when you actually had to think for yourself about what was important and write it down to remember. i remember, but this i found when it fell out of a folder i was shuffling did not have to-do stuff. It had a poem, written in 1970 as i was concluding my tour as executive office of the transport unit on USNS ships carrying Korean troops to Nam and back (yeh, yeh, i know i mention that a lot but it was a very significant year of my life and oh, oh, how things changed that year).

i thought i had published it before, somewhere, sometime, somehow. But i can’t find it. Old man frustration. So…

one hundred miles at sea
this morning,
i saw a gull,
flapping white
against the cold harsh rays
of the East China Sea winter sun
and
tremelo wind;
whitest gull i’ve ever seen,
out of how many thousand
i wonder;
the gull was captured
in a prism of time
from which i shall soon escape
and
then watch the mockingbirds.