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  • Zappa’s Law

    There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity.

  • A Tale of the Sea and Me: Pray for No Rain

    In the late spring of 1974, Commander George Phelps soon would be relieved in a change of command ceremony aboard the USS Hollister (DD 873) in Long Beach. The outgoing captain, XO, and department heads considered what the options were if it rained. The weapons officer suggested that we move the ceremony from the 01 deck (with attendees in folding chairs on the pier) to the reserve armory about 3/4 of a mile away. The captain asked how were we going to get the crew there.

    The weapons officer replied, “We’ll march the crew there, sir.”

    At that, the captain, the XO, the Ops officer, and yours truly, the chief engineer, fell out of our chairs laughing at the idea of such a debacle.

    The discussion reminded me of a story from one of my best golfing buddies, Marty Linville. Marty, an Army major who was awarded the Silver Star for his actions as an artillery officer in Viet Nam, was stationed at the Naval Amphibious School primarily as the director of the Navy’s gunfire support range on San Clemente Island.

    During a rare command personnel inspection, Marty was in charge of the gunfire support personnel. He was having them take position for the inspection as was about to give them the command “dress right, dress,” but had second thoughts. He called his master chief petty officer to the front to consult.

    “Master Chief, what should I expect if i order the troops to “dress right dress?”

    Without hesitation, the master chief replied, “Chaos, sir; absolute chaos.”

  • parcel


    i am a mere small parcel of land
    pocked marked with flat sandstone slabs
    like an infant’s skull coming out of the womb
    poking out of the dirt
    sprouts of weeds claiming their space
    dandelions
    sprigs of grass in clumps
    non-productive dirt
    barren
    useless
    but
    unique
    some might say
    a pocket of resistance
    to progress as we know it
    a relic which has outlived its time
    hanging on, hanging on
    for the next step
    then
    the small brown ground squirrel
    emerges from the acacia
    to nibble on a morsel on one of the slabs
    the gray falcon alights from the street light standard
    diving, sweeping, looping
    gaining speed
    for the kill
    but
    some noise
    some instinct
    leads the squirrel
    to bolt underneath the acacia again
    small flowers, weeds really
    bloom in the parcel
    hard to see unless one bends over to get close
    a plant in its cycle of life
    attempting to live for the next phase
    there is merit here in my parcel of land
    for what is unknown
    but
    it’s there.

  • Jerome’s Rule

    It is always the best policy to speak the truth – unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.

  • Meader’s Law

    Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to everyone you know, only more so.