All posts by Jim

A Tale of the Sea – “Doing ‘your best” is not good enough.”

The Hawkins had been back in Newport for about a week, March 1968. It was time enough for a dinner at my apartment with my two friends stationed in Norfolk who had stayed there while attending training in Newport.

Doc Jarden, my OCS roommate, was one. My old brain cannot recall the other’s name right now. They brought the two coeds attending Salve Regina College they had met at The Tavern. During the meeting process, beer drinking went to be a bit too far, and Doc’s dinner date was a tad inebriated. She was Kathy McMahon. That evening, she earned the nickname of “Kathy the Drunk.” During our dinner, she did not drink too much, and was funny and engaging. The other coed was Irene Cruess, who was pretty and earned the nickname of “Irene the Siren.”

We had a good time, Doc and the other fellow left the next day. i, you might say, was occupied. But that dinner was important a little later.

i was occupied with the NWAI. That is not a Hawaiian village. It stands for Nuclear Weapons Acceptance Inspection.

This inspection was critical for the Hawkins to become fully operational. We were capable of carrying nuclear weapons, specifically Anti-Submarine Rockets (ASROC) with nuclear warheads. Whether we did or not i cannot confirm or deny – the required response to any questions about whether we had nukes on board or not. But to be capable, we had to pass the NWAI before loading our ammunition and operating with the fleet.

The entire process was brutal. First, i, as the “Nuclear Weapons Officer,” had to keep all of our publications relating to nuclear weapons up to date. There was a very small compartment, i don’t remember where, that had a safe with the secret nuclear weapons related publications were kept. Most took little upkeep. But one, Special Warfare Operational Publication (SWOP) 5-5 was a bear.

This publication was a thick, sophisticated, complicated, gobble of stuff i could not comprehend. Never used it. But changes came in bunches, several days each week, and required pen and ink and cut and tape changes to be entered, noted, and initialed. i would enter, notate, and initial the changes in the small space. It required an hour or two each week, sometimes more. But it had to be up to date for us to pass the NWAI. I am reminded of that arduous task today when i get another of the continuing updates to apps and programs for my computer and phone. It’s still not fun.

There was an added complication for us as we faced our NWAI. Commander, Cruiser, Destroyer Fleeet, Atlantic Fleet or CRUSDESLANT, or perhaps an echelon higher had come out with a standardized check sheet for operating, loading, firing, unloading, and maintaining the ASROC system. Before, each ship had created their own check sheet and were graded on the check sheet as well as the procedures. This check sheet was brand new and had a lot of errors throughout for loading. Loading the ASROCs into the launcher was one of the critical aspects of the NWAI.

Fortunately, i had help. The CRUDESLANT Nuclear Weapsons Mobile Training Team came aboard and went through the check sheet as we were loading mock ASROCs. They also were a great help in most of the other preparations.

One morning, i was going through a practice loading with my ASROC team consisting of ASROC gunner mates, torpedo men, and sonar technicians. The ASROC launcher and loader were located amidships on the 01 level. Captain Max Lasell came down from his cabin and walked over to me. He directed me to have my check sheet reader continue the practice and walked me over to the starboard lifelines.

The captain asked me how it was going. i was hestitant in replying. My boss, the weapons officer, kept interrupting, trying me to change the way we were doing things, putting things into play that did not work.

i finally said, “Captain, things are going okay. There are a few problems but we are working on them.”

The ever aware CDR Max Lasell looked around to ensure no one could hear us and said, “Jim, i know what your problem is. i’m going to have a meeting with him after the noon mess. i will tell him to stay completely out of your preparations, to leave you alone. This is yours now. All yours.”

The big affable man stopped and looked around before concluding, “Jim, you know how important this inspection is. You can’t just do your best. We have to pass or you and i may not have a job.”

He walked away with me staring after him feeling like i had a challenge larger than any i had ever had.

i was right.

For some reason, i don’t know why, i have this sad/mad feeling coming over me. Breakfast is over. I sit at our breakfast table looking out on the Mexican sage where the hummingbirds roam. I am staring at this damnable screen with a keyboard, not my newspaper, something that has been like an anchor in my life until a couple of months ago.

Perhaps not having the morning and afternoon papers are behind the mad. I don’t know.

For another reason i cannot fathom, i put Enya’s “Amarantine” album on my Bluetooth speaker to listen to for breakfast. Her music produces a quiet, peaceful sadness in me.

A great deal of the morning has been spent hitting my social media, Facebook. It was there i saw our youngest daughter. It was a photo Lisa Brannen had sent several years ago. Sarah was in Bonita Vista High School’s women’s show choir, Sound. When i showed it to Maureen, she took a deep breath.

That’s Sarah in the center. Lord, could she project. i was glad we had those times and wish i could recapture them. But i’m too old to be sad. i would be sad all the time with the memories i have.

Then i read a post i shared about eight years ago. My late close friend and shipmate, Al Pavich, had passed it along. The post was from another of Al’s friend and ended with a quote from an old man who had said goodbye to his daughter for the final time and parted with “I love you and wish you enough.”

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

It read so like Al. i miss him. He was a wonder. i felt myself getting mad not having him here until i caught myself again. As with sadness, i’m too old to be mad. i would be mad all the time with the memories i have.

A hummingbird flitted by the sage distracting me from my thoughts. It’s going to be a beautiful Southwest corner January day with a high of 72. We have friends coming for lunch. Time to get to work.

Ms Susan Brooks

i first saw her in autumn during her freshman year at Vanderbilt. She was walking back to the women’s quadrangle with several other freshman women. She wore a knee-length skirt, knee high socks and a blouse on a beautiful Nashville sunny day.

i was standing with Charlie Hon, a freshman from Chattanooga (who became a legend in our fraternity) on the porch of the Kappa Sigma fraternity house across the street from the quadrangle. i asked Charlie if he knew her. He replied she was Susan Butterfield, also from Chattanooga. i was infatuated. i thought she was attractive and had beautiful legs.

Then, we had a party. Charlie had a date with his future wife, Ann Hon. Ann was Susan’s roommate in the quad. Butter, by which she was known, was double dating with Jeff Redmile.

i had a date with Jack Daniels. A group of us without dates had been watching the Porter Waggoner show on WSM while waiting for the Flatt and Scruggs show, which followed. It had become a weekly mainstay for about four or five of my brothers and me. Unfortunately, this night, i had stuck a fifth of Mr. Daniels’ fine fare into the refrigerator and began sipping with no governor. My date was having a not-good effect on me about the time the party started.

i took a header on the couch and went to sleep (my version), or passed out (everyone else’s version). When she saw me in my sad condition, she asked Jeff to take her back to the dorm and return to take care of me. He did.

From then on, we have had a relationship. Most of the time, including now, it has been as friends. There were some times when it was much more than that. There was one time when i lost track of her. The Navy has a habit of doing that to folks. But by chance, i found her again. She finally married Mike Brooks, also from Lookout Mountain in Chattanooga. They live in Atlanta and are a great fit.

Susan (Butter) Butterfield Brooks is one of my dearest friends. She and Maureen are also close friends, or as close as you can be with one in Atlanta and one in the Southwest corner. i shall save future birthdays to relate other special moments with Susan here.

She remains beautiful in so many ways.

Happy Birthday, Butter.