For some reason, i don’t know why, i have this sad/mad feeling coming over me. Breakfast is over. I sit at our breakfast table looking out on the Mexican sage where the hummingbirds roam. I am staring at this damnable screen with a keyboard, not my newspaper, something that has been like an anchor in my life until a couple of months ago.

Perhaps not having the morning and afternoon papers are behind the mad. I don’t know.

For another reason i cannot fathom, i put Enya’s “Amarantine” album on my Bluetooth speaker to listen to for breakfast. Her music produces a quiet, peaceful sadness in me.

A great deal of the morning has been spent hitting my social media, Facebook. It was there i saw our youngest daughter. It was a photo Lisa Brannen had sent several years ago. Sarah was in Bonita Vista High School’s women’s show choir, Sound. When i showed it to Maureen, she took a deep breath.

That’s Sarah in the center. Lord, could she project. i was glad we had those times and wish i could recapture them. But i’m too old to be sad. i would be sad all the time with the memories i have.

Then i read a post i shared about eight years ago. My late close friend and shipmate, Al Pavich, had passed it along. The post was from another of Al’s friend and ended with a quote from an old man who had said goodbye to his daughter for the final time and parted with “I love you and wish you enough.”

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

It read so like Al. i miss him. He was a wonder. i felt myself getting mad not having him here until i caught myself again. As with sadness, i’m too old to be mad. i would be mad all the time with the memories i have.

A hummingbird flitted by the sage distracting me from my thoughts. It’s going to be a beautiful Southwest corner January day with a high of 72. We have friends coming for lunch. Time to get to work.