This is not an actual sea story, or at least i hope not, but it is one of my favorite Navy jokes.

There once was a young ensign fresh from his commissioning at the Naval Academy. He reported to his first ship and on his first turn to have the conn, every one, especially the CO, was surprised at this ship handling skills. He seem to be able to put his ship wherever he wanted and could stop it on a dime, one of the more difficult skills of ship handling.

Several junior officers had noticed him in his stateroom opening the top drawer of his storage locker and looking intently at something in the drawer. He then went to the bridge and performed his magic.

These skills continued and he was quickly promoted throughout his career. Crew and officers alike would stop to watch him handle his ship. More of them noticed before going to the bridge, he would go to his stateroom, open the top drawer of his locker and look at something intently.

He was early promoted a number of times, and even after he made flag, CO’s would ask him to display his ship handling skills. He would politely comply and again demonstrate his incredible skills. The steward who attended to the admiral’s cabin also noted the admiral would return to his cabin open the top drawer of his dresser and stare intently at something before going to the bridge.

Finally, the admiral retired. As soon as he left his flagship, as many officers as possible led by the captain rushed to the flag cabin, ran to the dresser and opened the top drawer. There was a a 3×5 white card, the only thing in the drawer. Hand written on the card in large letters were the words:

PORT LEFT ——- STARBOARD RIGHT