Category Archives: A Pocket of Resistance

A potpourri of posts on a variety of topics, in other words, what’s currently on my mind.

Al, a Short Note in the Interim

i apologize to all of you.

i have started a half-dozen posts about Al Pavich. There could be another twenty, perhaps more.

But i can’t finish them right now.

i don’t know why. Writing about a loss, a sadness, hard times usually brings me relief. i’ve handled losing others close, very close to me very well in the past. i have tried my old trick of catching myself heading into the abyss of sorrow with thinking “What would Al want me to do, how would Al want me to act.”

Right now, i can’t do that. i’ve been pretty raw the last couple of days. Maureen, as usual, has been a saint in putting up with me.

i just can’t write those posts about Al right now.

For those of you who may be close to the Southwest corner, the memorial service for Al will be 0800-1000, Monday, May 23, aboard the USS Midway museum in San Diego.

This is very, very appropriate.

Al would approve.

i will write those posts…eventually. It’s quite a story.

Al

This is tough. i’ve been trying to write an episodic post about a man who was a hero in so, so many ways. i keep struggling to just get past the first three or four paragraphs. Tough. His wife, Darcy, a heroine in her own right, called me Wednesday while i was on my way to a lunch with a shipmate from another tour. i don’t ordinarily answer calls while i’m driving, but i saw it was Al. It wasn’t. It was Darcy. When i heard her voice, i knew the news was bad.

i won’t complete that episodic post about Al Pavich right now. He died in the Phoenix airport Tuesday. Typically, he was coming home after a trip to see a friend who was in hospice.

That evening (Wednesday), i expressed my feelings in a poem. i still feel that way. The episodic piece about Al will likely be several posts. But here is how if felt the evening after Darcy gave me the news.

Angry.
i lost a friend yesterday
i found out today.
it was about the time
i read from another friend
about some insane political frenzy
they believe
because
they wished to make me believe,
i suppose,
the insanity
so i could become insane
along with them
i suppose,
but
it seems to me
they have somehow
lost caring.

this friend i lost
was more than a friend
we had become blood brothers,
different as night and day,
but tolerant of the differences
enough to be bonded together
for life
until his ended yesterday.

he did not play politics except
to help those for whom he cared
and
he did that well, very well,
to take care of people
with passion, common sense,
just caring
and
he was above
the hate and fear
and
insanity of politics.
so i am angry
folks draw their lines in the sand
over politics
and
abrogate
caring.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

 and
oh, Lord,
Al did, he was, and he will dwell with you.
and
i am angry
at the smallness of those
who cannot care
as Al did.
Take care of him, Lord.
He deserves it.
knowing you will,
my anger will subside
and
i will sleep well
tonight.

i do not know you, Isabella

i do not know you, Isabella;
i’ve only seen you from afar;
i fell in love with you, Isabella;
i might just as well have loved a star.

it was at a barra de tapas in Barcelona,
i saw you laughing with men gathered round;
we were in the Ciutat Vella of Barcelona;
i might just as well have been in old Boston town.

your jet black hair flowed to your waist;
your eyes were dark and flashed like fire;
your lips were red set on your faultless pale face;
all of which ignited my desire.

i knew the futility of pursuing you;
you were younger with fancy men at your side;
i was an old sea dog who sailed oceans blue;
i knew my kind you would not long abide.

i left the Ciutat Vella of Barcelona
where you laughed, smiled, and teased the men;
i returned to my ship in Port Vell Barcelona;
it’s been a long, long time since then.

i do not know you, Isabella;
i’ve only seen you from afar;
i fell in love with you, Isabella;
i might just as well have loved a star.

Mothers

i am a pocket of resistance, especially to regulated days honoring something or someone. i have been a little bit lenient when it comes to Mother’s Day. In fact, i’ve written quite a bit about mothers on Mother’s Day. i like to think i celebrate the mothers in my life on a frequent, if not daily basis.

They all have been important to me. To be honest, some of these mothers and i have had our bad moments, mostly precipitated by me i suspect. But in the long run, they are mothers i loved and still love because they all had that incredible mother’s love that made things work out. i love them all.

Mama Jewell. She and i were in this world together for way too short a time. i can still feel her love for this grandson.

 

 

 

 

 

Granny Prichard. Her energy and strength during tough times and her love for her children and grandchildren were the cornerstones of an amazing family that stuck together and still sticks together.

 

 

 

 

Mother. Just yesterday, i walked outside through our kitchen door where there was one chair on the small patio. i could still see her sitting there with her head back and her eyes closed soaking in the Southwest corner sunshine. Her children and her grandchildren were her focus in life.

 

 

 

Aunt Bettye Kate Hall. i could write volumes about this woman. She was truly my second mother.

 

 

 

 

 

Then there was this other mother. We were divorced in 1978. i only agreed because i knew her love for our daughter was the most important thing in her life. i was right.

 

 

 

 

And this one. Oh, this one. She is the best mother and other mother going. Her love goes far beyond that. She loves her nieces, nephews, friends’ sons and daughters as if they are her own.

 

 

i could not end without one more of two of my mothers with their son/grandson.

 

 

 

 

i love you all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marine Layer in the Morning

Tuesday early mornings are not only for paper retrieving, but also they are trash days. So, i get up a bit earlier, clear the house of trash, recycle stuff, and yard waste, push the bins out from behind our gate, and place them in front of the sidewalk.

Most folk round here put their bins out the day before. Some even have their yard guys put the yard waste bins out front when the yard guys have finished three or four days earlier. Not me. i don’t like the bins out front any longer than they have to be. i owe that peculiarity to one Jake Hughes.

Jake was our garbage man in Lebanon. He would park his mule-driven wagon on the street in front of our house, walk to the backyard, pick up the garbage can, walk back, dump the contents in the wagon, and then return the can to its proper place in the backyard. On numerous occasions i would follow him on his trek and marvel at the mule, the wagon, and exchange pleasantries with Jake. That weekly trip — i think our day for Jake was Tuesday as well, but that just may be a faulty trip into nostalgia — started a long time before i came along and ended when the City of Lebanon bought their first mechanical garbage truck in 1959, i believe. It was a sad day for me because Jake would come no more. Rumor has it that Jake got rich with his garbage business. i hope so. He deserved it.

But our garbage cans were never in front of the house except for that weekly haul to Jake’s wagon. After Jake, Daddy or one of the boys would take that can out to the front of the driveway on garbage day and retrieve it after the riders (surely we didn’t call them “dumpers”) had tossed the refuse from our can into the howling, screeching jaws of the newfangled garbage truck. It was awesome, terrifying in some ways, but it just wasn’t the same.

When i rolled out the bins today, early morning was shrouded in the marine layer. i breathe it in deeply. There are a lot of ports in this world, but there are only a few in my experience that breathing the marine layer is so palpable. San Diego and Long Beach can claim that on days such as this when the marine layer is resistant to moving back offshore to the western horizon, hanging around just so i can breathe it in, smell it. Perth, Australia; Sasebo, Japan; and Hong Kong all could have such mornings. On the east coast, Norfolk had a few when i was there. i’m sure that many others had it. i just don’t remember them, and i certainly don’t remember breathing it in, smelling it.

But the best, or at least my favorite seaport town with that smell, that dampness luring one to the sea, remains Newport, Rhode Island. Perhaps it was because it was in my first Navy experience. Perhaps, even with the rise of high end and high price tourism fancy, it has  retained that feeling of history. i could feel that seaport aura, breathe in that seaport air, and connect with the sea.

The White Horse Tavern sits on a hill about a half mile east of Narragansett Bay. The cuisine has varied over the years but for as long as i can remember it has been high end good eating. It is cozy and the bar is — i struggled to come up with the right word. Maureen and i had an armagnac there with a chocolate delicacy and coffee after our meal in ’83, and closed the place down around midnight talking to the bartender, and that word is — perfect. It is even better after i found out it was the home of a pirate quite a while ago. i mean a real plundering pirate who would bury his treasure somewhere on a remote Caribbean island and come home to sip a rum here. i’m guessing he had a white horse.  When we emerged from that wonderful evening up on that hill, you could smell it: sea air coming ashore, just like that pirate smelled it, oh, some 300 years ago.

And Hite McClean. Yeh, Hite McClean out of Vanderbilt from Mississippi, the attorney who was attending “knife and fork” school before taking on his JAG duties. Late ’60’s. Hite and i hit Mac’s Clam Shack, when it was a ramshackle real shack on the waterfront next to a small sail craft maintenance shop, and the grit from the sandblasting  before painting would find it’s way into your stuffed quahogs or beer, but the best quahogs ever but likely to put you down for a day if your stomach was a bit delicate. And then, Hite and i hit The Black Pearl, sadly gone i’m told, and have a few more so when we got back to his place, i slept on the couch rather than going back to my apartment. Waking up and just a bit queasy the next morning, a Sunday, we had our coffee, walked out to the bluff with the ocean waves crashing below, sending surf up from which mist touched us as we sat on the bluff with our feet dangling over the fifty feet or so to the sea battered rocks. And Hite and i drank our coffee in the cold sea mist damp and told stories of great scope and waxed philosophical or something.

Yeh, Newport is the best seaport.

As i come back in, i go out to the backyard and check our garden for fresh strawberries. Currently, our yield is just about right for a day of strawberries. It’s about to explode and we will be sharing with our neighbors. The tomatoes are doing well, about to start their yield, which will last for about nine months. i felt like a farmer, like my great uncle out on Hickory Ridge, but his early morning tasks were calling in the cows, milking and feeding the hogs, while Aunt Corrine gathered the eggs from the chicken coop, not strawberries, not tomatoes, not onions or herbs, and certainly nowhere near the smell of the sea from the marine layer ashore.

As i turn, the sun is beginning to burn through the marine layer, kicking it out to sea. i can see the skies layer thinning and sun bringing a light to the eastern sky. i look down our side yard where the one stands. i usually first view it when i go into my office with my first cup of coffee and open up the shades. This morning, it struck me it continues to prosper for my viewing pleasure.

Come to think of Bonita in the Southwest Corner ain’t so bad as a seaport place either. i breathe deeply one last time before entering the kitchen door. There’s not any pirate in this house. Wait a minute…