Maureen is off to a “movie date” with her “girl friends.”

Sarah is going to the San Diego Zoo with one friend and then to Safari Park (nee Wild Animal Park) with another.

Billie Holiday, the catahoula mix; Dakota, the pampered princess; and Bruce Willis, the epitome of a “fraidy cat” are with me for the day.

i am taping the Vandy-Nevada game to watch a bit later and skip all of the stuff other people must find somewhat interesting, and of course the never ending stream of commercials dedicated to making money and disrupting the flow of the contest.

And it’s been a while coming back to my briar patch, my writing place. i’ve been working on the book and dealing with the fact “old” is here in the house. i’m reminded a lot of the time from an annoying shoulder and neck issue, which may not go away. Ever. Part of life, i surmise.

Been thinking, too. That is a scary thing.

 *     *     *

It all began this morning when Maureen and i started giving each other shit about our faults. i was going to describe it in another way, but we both sort of lean on D.H. Lawrence’s idea about making profanity not profanity because after all, they are just words, and even though it seems the mass of our population now seems to believe words can be destructive, it’s the people saying them that are destructive, not the words because i know because they taught me somewhere around five or six years old “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” and Owen Wister knew it when he had his hero (the Virginian, of course) deal with the novel’s  asshole…oops another one of those words, but this one is what my bunch of friends who rally around the Friday Morning Golf game proudly take that title as a compliment… in a way best be described by an excerpt from Wikepedia:

The novel begins with an unnamed narrator’s arrival in Medicine Bow, Wyoming from back East and his encounter with an impressively tall and handsome stranger. The stranger proves adept at roping horses, as well as facing down a gambler, Trampas, who calls him a son of a bitch. (At the time, the word was an unacceptable insult in any society, except between joking friends.) The stranger lays a pistol on the table and gently threatens, “When you call me that, smile!” 

And…where was i?…oh yes, Maureen and i this morning giving each other shit about our faults, which, by the way, we no longer consider faults but just differences and things we actually admire about each other but would never admit it and when we do give each other shit, we roll our eyes, evoking my mother’s famous facial expression, and laugh and then we go to each other and hold each other in our arms and warmly laugh and say, “i love you” expressively, which we do and which sort of defines us now because we have passed from the passions of youth although we were a bit beyond youth when our passions were in full bloom and our admiration for all of our strengths and things one might admire in us although my strengths and list of admirable traits are damn short, especially compared to hers, and we have advanced, not because we are old, at least not because i am old because she still reeks of youth compared to me, but because we are experienced and we know, perhaps knowing all along through the passion and the admiration that subconsciously we understood the good, the sharing we would have then and have now that we are two humans who happened to connect at the right time with the right feelings about life and about each other and someone somewhere smiled on us and let us understand what love really is about.

i think we love a lot of other people more because we have stumbled on that understanding.

    *     *     *

Then i read about some silly ass (oops, again) idea that passing gold chains on the sidelines of the Miami Hurricanes football team to someone who made a sack was becoming a big deal and other college teams were trying to outdo the Hurricanes with their own gimmicks, and then i thought about how silly and inane such gimmicks are, and then i realized pretty much any sport not on a sandlot or empty court or empty field by someone unsupervised under the age of…a moving target, this age thing as i played for the game until my twenties, but now in the age of supervision, orchestration, marketing, product selling, and false idolization of plastic heroes and heroines, the age is probably around six or less.

And then i thought about touchdowns and how much i wanted to score one in a real game (i did: one on a punt return, 447 yards according to The Lebanon Democrat in 1957 in a Lebanon Junior High Colt game at the old high school stadium on Coles Ferry Pike) and how i imagined crossing the goal line and passing the football to the referee, letting my actions speak for themselves and not go into some kind of idiotic dance and attention-seeking histronics, which is now sadly de rigueur. But then, we can understand as it seems our very existence, all marketing, all political posturing, all just about everything focuses on gimmicks and we buy into it big time, ignoring what is really important, which is one of the reasons corporations like Nike don’t care if the gimmick is negative because the notoriety sells their products (and i’m not taking a stand on Colin Kaepernick, the National Anthem as i have said my piece and no one seems to have listened and they are still arguing apples and oranges and it has done nothing but deepen the chasm between those people who are intent on taking sides.

Nah, i’m talking about dealing with the essence of things, dealing with people face to face, not creating false idols or false enemies, not taking sides but believing in the goodness of most of us, all of us, which seems to be pushed into the background as folks keep trying to kill all of those demons hiding under their bed at night…like ten year olds.

    *     *     *

Most of you should know by now i’m not a formally practicing Christian. There are many reasons, but the biggest reason is hypocrisy. Those in churches who are not into hypocrisy seem to get shuffled into the back of the room But i do believe in the tenets of Jesus Christ as i interpreted his lessons from the Bible’s “New Testament.”

And then with all this gimmickry and stuff, i got to thinking about everyone wanting and buying things and ideas to make it easy. Then i thought what a ridiculous idea it is to seek making it easy. As my good friend Dave Carey said, “It (life) ain’t easy. It ain’t supposed to be easy.” i would add it would be awfully boring if were easy and all of the gadgets, technology, innovation, etc., etc. to make it easy don’t work. Easy and money ain’t the answer. Living well is the answer. Doing the right thing is the answer. Enjoy life, learn. Take care of others. Get off this easy shit (oops again).

    *     *     *

You probably have figured out it ain’t morning any more. And i’m still rambling. So i watched my taped version of Vandy drubbing Nevada, a good show, but the real tests are yet to come. It was fun, and my fast forwarding through all of the stuff except the game, i watched the three-hour broadcast in about forty-five minutes. Just right.

    *     *     *

And then i went to a little slice of heaven for lunch. Well, maybe not heaven but a good place, good enough for me anyway. The Bonita Golf Club. i sat at the bar. Val is one of the daytime bartendresses (my word, obviously). She is a neat young lady and very, very busy on Saturdays. Everyone knows her. She knows everybody as well. All of the bartendresses, waitresses, and waiters seem to know everyone.

The place is packed. The bar when i arrived had one seat. It’s that way most of the days i go there. The food is standard bar fare. But there is nothing bad and mostly great. The cheeseburger is splendid. The onion rings are special. The chili is really, really good. And then there is the club sandwich, the shrimp tacos, and the carne asada quesadilla: my favorites.

There are nine televisions in the bar and the other sitting areas, but not on the outside patio. They all have different sports events except three have the pro golf tournament.

But the best part is the people. There are all kinds of people of every skin tone, many origins, different political and religious positions, the spectrum of educational levels. There is a Pearl Harbor survivor who parks illegally in a spot right outside the door. i usually write nasty notes and put them on the windshields for people who park illegally, but not him. He’s earned it. There’s a retired Navy SEAL who is there almost every day. i often avoid him because i know i will enjoy the discussion so much i will overstay my time.  There is this one Latino who talks really loud, but laughs a lot and it seems like everyone with him is having fun. There is this one guy at the end of the bar who is buying every kind of drink and beer for what seems like three or four groups of golfers, men and women. The basketball player who played professionally in Europe is not here. He and i laugh and talk about foreign places and golf courses. Kevin Mitchell, the outfielder who played most notably for the Giants is not there. i talked to him a couple of times. Nice guy. Those two are here most of the time.

It is a fun place.  i’ve never seen an argument there. It’s people, all kinds of people, golfers and non-golfers, having fun with each other.

If it’s not heaven, it’s sort of like i imagine heaven would be.

Joe.

Not my brother Joe. Another Joe.

Joe Hill.

i lost him about a week ago.

Saturday, Maureen and i drove to Huntington Beach to pay our respects and a great deal more.

It was a small gathering, perhaps on the plus side of twenty. In the home of Joe’s brother Gary. A quiet service devoted to remembering Joe, telling stories, and yes, quite a bit of emotion.

i didn’t spend a lot of time with Joe. He was frequently with his sister Janet when we would see him.

Janet and her then husband, Frank Kerrigan, met us when i was the executive officer on Yosemite. Both fresh out of the University of Chicago med school, Frank was the ship’s doctor and Janet was one of the doctors at the clinic on the Mayport (Jacksonville) Naval Base, Maureen’s doctor. This was right after Maureen and i got married and the two were a integral part of our first year together. They are the godparents of our daughter Sarah.

The two left the Navy and created a successful primary and urgent care facility in Palm Desert.  When we went to see them, Joe was often there.

Joe Hill is quite possibly the nicest guy i have ever met.

i could immediately tell Joe cared about me and about Maureen. We were old friends within minutes of our first meeting. It was always a feeling of happiness i would get when i found out Joe was part of our time with the Kerrigan’s.

Jan and Frank had a good divorce, if there is such a thing,  and they, along with their new spouses, Deborah for Frank and Greg Mokler for Janet, continued to include Joe in their activities.

The last time i saw Joe Hill was at Frank’s retirement party at his home in La Quinta. Joe had not changed one bit: full of energy, full of corny jokes, and overflowing with empathy.

Another thing about Joe: whenever we left some get together like the retirement party, i would find myself wishing i could spend more time with Joe.

i no longer have that opportunity.

Joe was a bit different from most folks i know. He was smart, practical, fun and chose window washing as his career. It wasn’t as if he had no ambition. It was as if he chose that profession simply because he liked it. Joe did things Joe liked to do.

Our world is not kind to people who are nice and do things they like to do and don’t make waves, don’t make judgements but accept people, everyone without judgement, love life as it is.

About a year ago, Joe came down with some health problems. They lasted six months or so. His window washing business went financially down hill fast. Joe suffered from depression. He drank too much.

About a week ago, he killed himself.

Joe was a dedicated Christian in his own way. He read the Bible at least twice a day. i did not know that until Saturday. It made sense. He was the kind of Christian that followed Christ’s teaching. He did not judge, he did not throw stones, he loved. As his sister said at his memorial, Joe was ready to go to his heaven in which he so strongly believed. i’m sure he is there.

And we have a void.

At the service, numerous people told stories of Joe, things i would have never suspected but made sense. Funny stuff. Living life to the fullest stuff. Joe Hill.

So Joe, all i can say is i will never forget you and the way you lived. It was an inspiration and, Lord, oh Lord, i wished we had many more like you.

It’s over…

Of course, it’s not over.

The courtyard concrete (hardscape, to be politically correct) is painted. Twice. Three coats. The last two actually a color agreed upon. And of course, the touch up. Several times. Done. But not done. i know it.

It only cost about three times my original estimate and the time required was only about two days over the original projected time.

But then, there is some more touch up that will have to be done after Maureen looks at it in a couple of days. And now that we have a nice looking courtyard, i must clean the teak furniture. And now we will have to actually put some dirt, plant stuff in the cool  pots Maureen got (the ones i got at the Navy Exchange apparently were cheap looking, at least cheap enough to be relegated to the backyard but not enough to be dumped into my garage) and then add flowers, probably succulents. Then of course, i must clean the walls around the courtyard and there is some stucco that needs to be scraped and re-stuccoed and of course, repainted. And then, we must do something with those tiles.

Hmm…

But for now? i’m done. Proud of it.

And the goofy guy…er, old goofy guy who did it…er, is still doing it. But it hurts a bit more than it used to. Time for a gin and tonic.

It began innocently enough.

i have been absent from my site for a while. i had a lot i wanted to write (oh why, oh why do i feel compelled to write?) but all of that lot was going to take some time, and i got into this book writing thing, kicking it into high gear for a change, and so i didn’t write here and didn’t hit the post button.

So today, i decided after a bit of book writing, i would do home tasks. By my count this morning, there were about seven hundred and fifty-six, but i haven’t asked Maureen about what she would like me to do for about a week, so i suspect the number has doubled.

We have this courtyard, see. Our garage is in front (i still want my garage in the back. i have had that twice. Once on Castle Heights Avenue before my parents added on the family room and the carport, and then in Bryan, Texas: our house would meet my hopes and dreams if it was flipped and the garage was in the back, but they don’t do that out here in the Southwest corner nor pretty much anywhere else anymore) and the breezeway leads to a hall entrance and a courtyard with the front door into the living room and dining room. It’s a nice courtyard with a history.

We broke damn near every rule for buying a house when we bought this house twenty-eight years ago. i mean we were out for a drive, saw it and the sign, looked inside, and said to each other we want this house. So we bought it. Shouldn’t have, not with breaking rules and all. One of the best things we have ever done…except it’s getting old, so are we, and now the upkeep is eating into my playtime, time wise and money wise.

One of the culprits is the courtyard. i love the courtyard. We don’t use it enough. We should sit out there. We rarely do. When we were house poor after we bought this house against the rules, we looked out into the dirt courtyard for as long as we could stand it, and then we broke some more rules and had it landscaped. Pretty, of course.

My parents helped. We had started. Had the concrete poured (the actual beginning of this tale) and Maureen found the perfect tile for the stoop and the edge of the concrete. “Adaquin” i think they called it. One of a kind from a mine in Mexico. Of course, expensive. Maureen found it. We suffered in our decision until my folks came out for their winter outing, which they did for about 15 years. Somehow, we found a shop in Tecate, across a hole-in-the-wall border crossing about thirty miles dead east from Tijuana. Quaint place then. The knock-off concrete tile looked great. Mother and Daddy bought it for us for my birthday.

They delivered the pallets on our driveway. My father and i laid the tile. It was mostly him. We built the center planter together but he did most of the tile work. Nice place. Good job.  But the bozo concrete company supposedly had this beautiful colored concrete. It looked like it had the measles. So i painted it.

i painted it three more times, sometimes with primer, other times just paint like they told me to do. It never met our expectations. Then the years came and the knock-off concrete tiles begin to show they were made of concrete. i did not like the courtyard. It looked forlorn. The concrete tiles were fading; the concrete was rising to the surface. Gray. Ugh. The paint jobs didn’t hold. About five different paint jobs including the primers and several combinations of the various attempts made the original measles look look healthy.

Now we have a grand plan. We are going to put flagstone in the patio. When we can afford it. i have calculated that will be in about 2040 when i am ninety-six. So i came up with an interim plan. i would paint it again. With a better product now available. One problem: Maureen had to pick the paint and she wasn’t really enthused about my plan. After all, she wanted flagstone. So i brought home a brochure with very small paint samples. She picked one out. Gray. i like earth colors. She likes gray. i, of course, said okay.

i went and got the paint. Expensive stuff with the textured finish. But not as expensive as flagstone. Today there was the confluence of my wanting to get away from this infernal machine for something besides golf and the availability of the paint. i wrote some this morning, did some stretching, ate Maureen’s incredible, apple-blueberry pancakes, and began my project, planned to be about two hours of preps, two hours of drying, and three hours of painting. Good plan.

Did i mention the airplane soot? You see, i have learned about airplane soot. It makes most EPA announced dangers look like ice cream. All of the other dangerous emissions can’t hold a candle to airplane soot if you ask me. We are about four or five miles in a direct line from the flight path into Lindbergh Field, which they now call San Diego International Airport for political correctness concerns. Apparently, the wind patterns normally blow from the flight path directly to our hardscape and outdoor furniture. Our outdoor teak dining table, small patio tables and all of the chairs do not look like teak. They look dirty black…from airplane soot. Our courtyard gets the biggest hit. The soot mixes with the three or four paint jobs, and in addition to being a measles concoction of ugly colors, the courtyard  is extra ugly with the soot.

The soot also complicates painting preps. Power washing doesn’t just take the planned hour. It takes about four. Hours. And i don’t care what anyone tells you, power washing a courtyard with three or four coats of paint and airplane soot is a pain in the ass.

Done. After a lunch break and my every day nap, it is dry. i am excited. i get out the roller and the paint. i get a sample tile because Maureen and i decided we might paint the tile as well as the concrete. i paint the sample. Then i paint about about ten square feet. Feeling good, but i decide i should ask Maureen if i should paint the tile. i call to her and ask her to come out and decide. She opens the door, looks at the paint and gasps.

Now, we have been married for over thirty-five years. i know when Maureen is not pleased. i could tell this was one of those times. Being a complete idiot and frustrated, i say, “What? You picked it out.” This, as i knew it would even as i spoke the words, did not help.

i try vainly to recover. “Why don’t you go down to Home Depot and see if there is a color you like better (than the one YOU picked out, i did not add).?” Dammit. She did. Now, Maureen likes to shop…at Nordstrom’s, at boutiques, at art galleries, at Trader Joe’s. She likes shopping at Home Depot about as much as she likes getting a two-by-four slammed into the back of her head, which i figured she would like to see happen to me as she walked into our nearest Home Depot.

She came home with a gallon of another color. To test. We may do that tomorrow.

i finished the paint job around eight. About eleven hours including lunch and my nap. Of course, it’s not done. i will have to touch up tomorrow. We’ll (we?) have to decide if this is okay or if the sample is better. Regardless, by my count there are at least five to ten more steps in this process.

But it will look good when done, even pretty. After all, the two of us work well together.

i came in, ate the Thai food, Sarah went and picked up for us rather than the steak i was going to grill but ran out of time. i ate, showered, and sat down to write this. Before i started i walked out the front door and took two photos. Our new paint job…in the dark.

Did i mention there was a beautiful full moon tonight?

Here’s another of my poems read by…me.