i stole this. Norm O’Neal, one of my shipmates on my first ship, the USS Hawkins (DD-873) sent me the below in an email this morning. My wife wanted me to send it to my sister. Upon reflection, i thought of a number of other friends who would enjoy it, so i stole it and posted it here. Thanks, Norm.

They’re Back!

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday:I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.

Been thinking about all of these people who are protesting having to shelter-in-place and the other side who wish for all of us to live in plastic bags (remember my wife?).

Seems like folks are scared or, as my mother used to say, “Have ants in their pants.” Don’t care. Do what you think is best…just make sure it’s best.

And once again, i am amazed at how smart people are. They must be. They are telling me what i should and shouldn’t do because they know. Really? They know?

Now,  just a thought for all those folks who wish to go out and mingle, regardless of the noble reason behind it: If you really, really think you unquestionably know it’s okay go out, okay. But think about it. What if you are wrong? Are you willing to risk killing someone because you are so sure you are right?

Me, i’m hunkering down. Sarah has allowed me to do that with almost impunity. A week ago, Maureen and i did mask and glove up and staying six feet away from everybody else went out and got some tomato plants. Please understand. i need my home grown tomatoes. Maureen has had some justifiable reasons to got forth, but she is much more diligent than i about observing all the precautions, and she is a dang sight younger than me. So i’m okay with that.

And i get to eat her meals. And the weather has turned Southwest corner spring. And i enjoy my writing, reading, and doing the home projects. And every other night or so, we watch an old movie. Like last night, we watched “The Quiet Man” again, the movie that captured me when i first saw it in the dash hanger of the USS Lloyd Thomas (DD-764) in the middle of the Atlantic in 1963, and i have watched perhaps twenty times since then and could watch tonight, tomorrow night, the next night, and…you got the picture.

And then, and then, along came Jones…oops, lost track: that’s a Coaster’s song. And then, i assessed the morning. Maureen and i dined al fresco in the back southeast corner of our yard proper.

So i don’t need to go out. Nope. i’m fine right where i am. And i ain’t gonna kill nobody.

It’s that time of night: a full day with a little weed whacking, a very little garden tending, a lot of writing, a wonderful hour or so of catching up with Brenda Fake, a nice Maureen dinner with a good wine while we checked the weather and to see if there was any major news development (there wasn’t) and i noted i could tell the slant each news story was going to take from the source station. Then, we had an incredible brownie made by Sarah.

i watched some bluegrass that was really great (Thank you, Amy Beth Hale).

As usual, this kind of day and evening gets me to reflecting. And man, did i reflect. Was gonna write about the reflections and then said to myself, “Not tonight. No, not tonight.”

Then the other two retired to bed. i sat here wrestling with myself as to what i should do when it hit me. Damn near forgot.

George Henry Harding, V, had a birthday today. He’s old. Almost as old as me.

i won’t write much about him here. i think i covered that about a month ago.

In fact, after he read that post and we exchanged comments, he wrote me, “Back at you, brother from another mother.”

i think that pretty well covers it.

Happy Birthday, you old fart. i’ll call tomorrow.

What most of you might consider a long time ago, is not a long time for me.

You see, i’m writing this book about something that happened 36-37 years ago. Because i’m so into it, it doesn’t seem so long ago. When it comes to some special people it seems like it was yesterday.

There were a whole bunch of people who made that time in my life a wondrous successful adventure. Today, there is one that stands out. She was and remains special. i haven’t see her in oh, about thirty-seven years.

But when someone is one of the best Naval officers whom you knew in your Navy career, you remember. And the fact she was one of the cutting edge in women in the Navy, it is even more impressive.

i could go on and on, but let’s cut to the chase.

Noreen Leahy one of the best. Had she remained in the Navy, i am sure she would have been an admiral. But she didn’t stay. So she became successful. Got her doctorate. She’s helping people. She has a wonderful husband and great kids, and though it’s hard to believe, she is a grandmother.

Thank you, Noreen Leahy. You remain an inspiration.

Happy Birthday.

And so with the Station Inn documentary concluded, i put on airplay and played for Maureen the LP i digitized this afternoon. It was side one of Aretha Franklin’s “Aretha Gold” album.

When it was over, my iTunes went to shuffle and played a Hiroshima track, then the shuffle hit upon one of my favorite albums: The Modern Jazz Quartet “MJQ’s Blues on Bach” and the track “Tears of the Children.”

i am at peace.

Good night.