Written last night and edited this morning.

It isn’t really late. A little past nine. Maureen has retired to bed where she will read for an hour or so.

Not me. No, not me. Growing up until i left for the Navy, i would get into bed and read into the wee wee hours of the morning, sometimes the night through. But now if i get through two paragraphs before falling asleep, it is surprising.

So i sit in the dark except for the reading light above my very nice and fashionable chair, which isn’t the recliner i would like to have because Maureen thinks they look tacky, although she would never use the word “tacky.” It would be a much more sophisticated sneer she would choose. And this ain’t bad. Don’t get me wrong.

i have Alfred Brendel playing off my iTunes menu on the Apple TV program. Good reading music.

i have begun reading David Maraniss’ new book, A Good American Family i received in the mail, er Fedex, yesterday. i just might pull one of those all nighters again. i am fascinated.

i almost wish i weren’t so enthralled. The story of David’s father and Andrew Maraniss’ grandfather (Andrew also is a wonderful writer and author of Strong Inside, one of the more impactful books i have read in the last decade or so) being blacklisted by HUAC is riveting.

It resonates with me. It is also scary in that the frenzy leading to the opposite of the belief in equality so well written into the core idea of our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution is so prevalent today.

*   *     *

i marvel at our inability to understand that. This morning as i was filling out yet another VA form of data they already have available to supposedly make the VA system more efficient and more responsive, Maureen was on the phone trying to navigate through the bureaucratic maze to get an appointment for a specialist she knew had openings but kept walking into barriers of bizarre paperwork required by all of the folks who are obeisant to rules, not logic.

I marveled at our bureaucratic lack of common sense.

i then recalled the Navy’s concern about too many reporting requirements when i was on my first ship in the late 60’s. The brass recognized the need to reduce the load on the operational forces. So, guess what? They formed a committee to determine how to reduce the number of required reports. And guess what was the initial action of the committee? They required every command to submit a report on all of the reports they had to submit and then continue to submit such a report every six months. No kidding. i don’t think they deleted one requirement for submitting a report, which means they actually added another report.

And somewhere, somewhere in all of the piles i’m trying to reduce, there is a half page report form i hope to find and scan here later. i was the overhaul coordinator for USS Okinawa’s overhaul in 1982-83.

The contracting civilian shipyard; SHIPSUP (Supervisor of Shipbuilding), the oversight, administrator, and coordinator for ship overhauls; the shipyard, and our ship recognized the delay for getting work change approval through the paper flow process would create an extension of the overhaul period. This would be a costly delay and an untenable situation for ship’s operations. So the three agreed when a manager or QA rep for the three groups were present when a need for a change was required, there could be a verbal agreement to allow for the work to proceed and the paperwork could follow.

In less than a day, the shipyard produced this half-page form. It was to be signed by the representatives of the three entities on site when they agreed to the work change.

At the top, the title of the form was “Verbal Agreement.” So it was literally a written verbal agreement.

This makes my head hurt and i am going to bed.

You see, i had this system finally worked out. Then, the old man screwed it up.

You see, as i noted yesterday when Chet Atkins screwed up my writing plans with his song about his and my father, i think i’ve settled in on a place and a method for finishing my book.

So today, i settled into my garage retreat, cranked up the monster microfiche with intentions to write like hell, like i used to go, on a mission. Then, hell, i put on another LP, 33 1/3 rpm if you will.

This time it was Crystal Gayle, “Classic Crystal” if you want to know. Man, it took me back to one of the worst times of my life, and yes, Charles Dickens, it was also one of the best. My wife decided she didn’t love me and we were en route to a divorce and my having my privilege of being a full-time dad ripped out of my heart. It was as amicable as it could be. She, the mother of my daughter, tried to make it work, but you just don’t do those kinds of things where it works. But then, i still got a lot of time with my daughter and we were a good team. It seemed at six, she almost understood. And this lieutenant commander, the senior Navy Officer on the Texas A&M campus, was much in demand.

And i met some rather incredible women. One, Judy McConnell remains one of my all time favorites. She took me to Lakeside and introduced me to line dancing, the real Texas kind. We cavorted and one day in the summer of 1979 we went to the Crystal Gayle concert in the campus concert hall. So i’m listening to Crystal singing “Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue” so i lean back in my chair, close my eyes, and remember the bad and the good of those times.

So now i’ve checked two more days of ship’s logs on the monster and compared it to my notes on Yosemite’s Plans of the Day, not a very productive forty-five minutes.

Well, as the end of the record emits the familiar sound of ending, i replace it with “Duke Ellington’s Greatest Hits.” Oh now, i think i’m getting on a roll. Then, the last cut on Side Two is “Satin Doll.” Again, i stop. Oh Lord: Newport, Rhode Island, late 60’s. The place was called Hurley’s, a night club in an alley across from the Tennis Hall of Fame but i located it as across from The Tavern where i met Kathy McMahon (and here i will not tell the tale of how we met the second time). But i spent damn near every Saturday night and Sunday afternoon at Hurley’s. Hurley’s was a meeting place on Saturday’s, politically correct speaking. But on Sunday, they had a jam session and almost the entire afternoon was folks jammin’ on “Satin Doll.” i remember Kathy, Andrew Nemethy, Rob Dewitt, Lanny Harer, and Doc Jarden as i listen.

Okay, okay, back to it, i tell myself. i change the record to John Anderson’s “I Just Came Home to Count the Memories.” One of the famous USS Okinawa “Booze Brothers,” JD Waits (i was the other brother Jake; JD was Elwood) introduced me to this one. On side two, is some of the most incredible guitar work on Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right.” From that moment, i thought of my nephew Tommy Duff and his love of the guitar. Then i thought of how Alan Hicks, Cy Fraser, Jim Hicks, Billy Parsons, Mac Koch and a whole bunch of others who are bluegrass nuts, like me, and i leaned back and listened again.

Now i gotta tell you i haven’t gotten done anywhere near as much as i wanted to get done on my book. But i also realized somewhere around Crystal Gayle’s “You Never Miss a Real Good Thing (Till He Says Goodbye)” i’m about as happy as an old fart could get. i’m sitting in my place, fittingly a corner in the garage with photos and artwork of my past hanging on the wall. i’m listening to music that has been part of me. Yesterday, it was Waylon Jenning’s “I’ve Always Been Crazy (But It’s Kept Me From Going Insane)” and Bob Seger’s “Against the Wind” which i think both sort of define my life.

And i reflect on the best things of the past, again and again.

Maybe this arrangement is not real effective for working on my book, but man, it sure feels good for an old man.

Finally, i put on “The Best of Stan Getz.”

i think i’ll take a nap.