It is eery here.

i walked to the top of our hill this morning to see what i could see. In 2007, i watched flames and judged we were going to be all right. Today’s climb did not reveal any flames and by noon, all of the ugly dark gray and black smoke had given to light gray and white smoke, almost like clouds, but they weren’t.

For those unfamiliar with our terrain, we have had three wildfires this time around, relatively close. The “Otay Mountain” fire is better known as the “Border 2” fire. The “Otay Mesa” fire is apparently out. Those fires at their closest were about a dozen miles east of us with winds carrying them north, not likely to affect us.

But the skies are surreal. i cannot discern fire smoke from haze, and we do have some weather relief moving in. There is even hope for some rain by the end of Saturday. Our humidity, which has hovered around 5% for the past several days, you know, spark causes wild fire weather, up to a whopping 13% as i write (my nose is dry).

So we are lucky. Many are not.

oh, take me to the fields of Armageddon
where i can fight destruction of the world;
take me to Culloden
where i can learn to sacrifice my life
to a doomed cause of false hope;
take me to Gettysburg
where i and my comrades
scream the rebel yell
in a cause for blighted rationale;
take me to the sea battles
between majestic ships of war,
where men were men, often foolishly
giving their lives to Davy Jones
for a preordained lost cause;
let me live by dying valiantly
to lost causes, ill-fated hopes
because i find my aged self impotent
to take up my saber
against causes that subtly plan
to destroy caring.

Last year, i prepped; i partied; i cleaned up in the rain. We had a total of 70 folks in our house and under our patio and tents in the back, not counting the next door neighbor’s taqueria catering folks in the garage and under tents in the front –still don’t like garages in the front. Even though i had expressed the party was to thank all of the great folks in my life, i was given gifts and lauded for looking younger than 80.

It was gloriously perfect for a man of four score years.

This year, i have some home projects to complete, some posts to write, some books to read, some exercising to do, a walk, some piano to play (simply), and at least two naps on my docket. i may watch a sports event or a movie or documentary, and i will have a fire.

The weather is completely different from a year ago. The day after the party, we had record rain and floods, of all things, in the Southwest corner. Today, the threats of wildfires that have ravaged the big city north of us have abated. It is cool, cold for this neck of the woods with a low in the low 40s. We are experiencing humidity that is not akin to the deserts to the east.

i don’t think Maureen has planned anything special and that is just fine. Tonight, i will sit in my chair in the family room, have a fire in the hearth, and a glass of wine. Today, i’m thinking about things i would like to impart to my grandson, my thoughts, which i do not expect him to completely understand. These thoughts are not things for him to follow, only to give him my perspective from eighty years, which has mostly been a good life.

To begin, Sam, it has become apparent to me that folks are all alike, no matter what country they live, what culture in which they were raised, what color of skin they have, or what religion they follow. In each group larger than a dozen or so, there are folks with good intentions, folks who just want to be left alone to be with their families, folks who just want to have fun and for things to be easy, folks who like to work, folks who want to be famous, folks who are kind, folks who want to make things better, folks who are bullies, folks who cheat, folks who lie, and folks who try to manipulate others for their own fortunes, and folks who kill.

i finally have recognized the futility of trying to change folks’ minds. They are going to believe what they want to believe regardless of truth, logic. So i am now trying to live the rest of my life living well and doing what’s right.

In short, Sam, i have had a great life and never had the intention to hurt or get the best of anyone. i have screwed up, sometimes royally, but not without good intention. It is a great place to be. Oh, there are things i wish were different, better for folks i know and i will help if asked. But at 81, it is good to sit by the fire in the evening and reflect on memories. i hope you will find this peace when you reach my age. Better yet, i will have this wonderful woman sitting across the room from me.

Oh yes, i had a great birthday present a day early yesterday. Vanderbilt’s basketball team beat Tennessee. And my quests for better golf and learning Spanish continue.

For those who might be wondering and are not exactly sure where we live, we have yet to endangered by the wildfires.

They are currently in Los Angeles County from the middle of the city to the north along the Angeles National Forest. We have a close friend who has evacuated her home from the Palisades Fire near Santa Monica, and we have relatives who are likely affected by the Eaton Fires near Pasadena. We have not heard from the relatives yet.

This is over 100 miles from us but the entire Southwest corner is very dry and high Santa Ana winds are with us for the next week or so. If fires do erupt, we are relatively safe. Our home’s location should help a great deal.

i just wanted folks to know we are safe.

Before beginning this post proper, something to heed. On the way back from Christmas on Signal Mountain, i was exposed and caught the flu. i have had my flu and covid shots and thought myself relative free from the dangers. Not so. If you are traveling, especially on a plane, i highly recommend you were a mask. You don’t want what i’m recovering from.

i had begun a rather lengthy post about my 2024 when i lost several close friends. Rising above this despondency, i have been dealing with living as an old man…and that beats the heck out of the alternative. But, i was sidetracked. No need for a review of the past year here.

But on our way back from yet another great Christmas at my sister’s home on Signal Mountain, some despicable character, apparently not well, declined to put on a mask. A rather dumb goofy guy in front of him decided to refrain from donning a mask. Maureen and i came down with an unpleasant malady, sneaking up on us Monday night. In spite of being diligent and having my flu and COVID shots, we caught the flu (tested negative for COVID, thank goodness).

I went down hard for seven days and am still recovering, although no longer contagious.

Essentially, i lost the first week of 2025. It was not fun nor pretty, but it gave me time for thought about where i want to go and how from here.

i”ve repeated Dicken’s first paragraph from A Tale of Two Cities often. It applies here, but i will not repeat it. 2024 was miserable for me but there were lots of good things as well. Age is beginning to exhibit its discomforts. Although not critical or life-threatening yet, some surgery looms. Annoying conditions in joints and muscles are moving toward more than annoying. Restrictions on what i eat, drink, and what i do are growing.

But i’m in pretty good shape for an old man. i can live as long as i can live. That is now finite but unknown. Good things with family abound and have outlooks that please me.

i have lost friends, but i have friends.

There will be changes, for me, for my writing, for my relations. My posts in groups will change. i won’t predict what they could be, but there will be changes…Always, there is change.

So, here’s my plan. i’m going to do what i can. i’m going to put one step ahead of the other and then follow suit, speed to be determined. i am going to love my loved ones even more. i am going to like people even though i disagree with them. i am going to try to not throw rocks over the wall. i’m going to follow that old customer service dictum of “walking in the customer’s shoes” before playing the blame game.

And i’m going to attempt to live well and always do what is right.

i think i have a pretty good chance because i have a lot of help.

…and she’s pretty too.