Piddlin’ round of golf on a grey day. My Vandy Boys are taking it on the chin, and without another miracle, will be second, i.e. loser in the College World series to a good Mississippi State team i would root for had not one of them, or maybe more decided to demonstrate the things i don’t like about Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and yes, even Tennessee. This supposedly Bulldog fan hurled racial slurs to the parents of Vandy’s black athletes. i think the idiot must believe the South won that damn war.

The Padres are making a comeback in Cincinnati, but i am tired. Tired of darkness, tired of things not going my way.

So i am going to tell a story that pleases me because it is laughable, unless you are somewhat of a deranged animal lover.

You see, once upon a time, there was  this military guy, who shall remain anonymous here, who had a pet monkey. He loved the monkey.

His work included a lot of parachute jumps, which he also loved. It was a great thrill for him. He wanted to share this thrill with his pet monkey. So he rigged a tiny parachute for his pet monkey in order for the monkey to share the thrill of parachuting with him.

He took his pet monkey on the next parachute jump. When it was his time to jump, he leaped out of the plane holding the monkey, rigged with the tiny parachute, close to his chest. As he pulled his rip chord and his parachute deployed, he pulled the tiny rip cord on the monkey’s parachute and gently let him go, thrilled that he was sharing a parachute jump with his beloved monkey.

Now if you haven’t figured this out yet, our young parachutist had not done a great deal of critical thinking about his project.

If you drop a monkey out of a plane and then let go of him several thousand feet above the earth, the monkey is not likely to be thrilled. He’s more likely to be scared shitless. When a monkey is scared, he does what scared monkeys do, he climbs higher.

Well, the pet monkey did exactly that. He climbed up the parachute rigging to the top of the parachute. This, of course, collapsed the parachute, and the pet monkey began an accelerated fall to earth sans an effective parachute.

The parachutist watched in horror and yelled to the heavens, “OH NOOOO….

i shall not tell the end of this story.

i stole this story from a friend.