Apparently my sister-in-law had not heard of my encounter with a psychic. She was visiting us this afternoon when Maureen and Sarah brought up the subject. i had written most of two columns about the incident in my weekly column, “Notes from the Southwest Corner” in the Lebanon Democrat in 2009. i made copies of the two columns and gave them to Patsy. Considering i think it’s a pretty good tale, i have taken the parts of two columns addressing the subject. Here is the tale:

SAN DIEGO –I think I’ve found something in the Southwest corner, which is not available in Lebanon.

The only psychics I knew growing up in my home town were Gypsy fortune tellers at the Wilson County Fair over in the old fairgrounds on Coles Ferry Pike.

I never got my fortune read there. I was too skeptical and didn’t want to spend money when I could use it for another amusement ride or shot at winning a teddy bear.

A friend, who shall remain nameless, did have his fortune read. She told him he would soon have a relationship with a beautiful woman. They went to a local motel that night, perhaps validating her prediction.

When I searched the internet for Lebanon psychics, there was one in Mt. Juliet, but none in Lebanon. There were few folks who wanted to belong to psychic meeting groups, but no psychics were listed.

Psychic shops are plentiful in the Southwest corner. Several weeks ago, one finally opened in Bonita. My wife was driving to work when she spotted it and called me.

“I just passed an animal psychic office,” she related, “It’s a new business.”

I was not exactly sure how to reply. I’m an old Navy man and don’t put much weight on supernatural things, not even Davy Jones – I don’t care what Walt Disney, Johnny Depp, and “Pirates of the Caribbean” wants me to believe.

“Oh, that’s nice,” I finally responded.

She did not say much after that. I assumed she wanted me to take our dog there. After all, her sister had taken her dog to a “dog whisperer” years ago and claimed great results.

It was clear Maureen was thinking about doing something for our nine-year old dog Lena, who has developed digestive problems. I thought, “Why the heck not? After all, it could make an interesting column. Folks back home might like to read about a psychic adventure.”

Later, I went by the storefront, copied the phone number, and called to set up an appointment the next day.

When I told Maureen that evening, she denied having anything to do with it and then asked how much it would cost.

“You don’t want to know,” I wisely told her.

I did not say, “I know I don’t want you to know,” which is more accurate.

The next afternoon I took Lena and walked up the stairs to the psychic. The door was locked. I gave a sigh of relief thinking the saga had ended, but as we reached the bottom steps, a scraggly young man stuck his head out the door and motioned us to come back.

As we entered the sparsely furnished complex, the young man motioned again for us to go into a small room. There were two cheap outdoor chairs. A king piece from a chess set and a small dried flower were on a small wooden table.

Rosa, a young woman, introduced herself and asked quickly what I wanted for my dog out of the session.

“She’s an alpha female,” I told her, “and needs to be less aggressive with other dogs as well as people when they come to our door.

“She also has developed some digestive problems,” I added.

Rosa was scratching herself all over. I asked if she was all right. As Lena sniffed around the room, Rosa answered, “I just finished a session with two cats. I think I’m allergic. I thought it must be a tough job being an animal psychic if you are allergic to them.

“I can sense Lena has stomach problems,” she added, “I also sense she has a connection to King Tut.”

As I tried to digest this news about King Tut, she looked at me intently and asked, “Are you spiritual?”

Wondering why a psychic wouldn’t know this, I answered, “No, but my brother’s a minister. Does that count a little bit?”

She ignored my comment.

“I think we can fix Lena’s stomach problems in three sessions,” she explained, “It will require candles and a special green tea.”

She added, “It will cost $185…cash.”

I demurred. Then she said she would waive the cost of the initial meeting.

To be honest, I did want to pay the money, but I really wanted to know more about Lena being connected to King Tut…and after all, i wanted to write this column.

I did pay the $185 for the three psychic sessions for Lena.

I took Lena home, went to the bank, and returned to the psychic studio with the cash. Lena’s psychic was not there.

Another young woman gladly took my money and my telephone number.

“I’m psychic too,” she informed me proudly. “I was here when you brought in your dog. I could sense she was having stomach problems.”

I did not ask if she sensed it by reading the notes from Rosa.

On Saturday, Rosa called and asked if she could speak to my wife about her dreams. I demurred, “Maureen is not interested in pursuing this. Call me tomorrow.”

After several days of silence, I called Rosa.

“I’ve been trying to reach you,” Rosa informed me, but Sunday, I left my notes up north and could not find your number.”

Silently, I thought, “If you are psychic, wouldn’t you be able to discern it, or at least look it up in the telephone directory?”

Rosa continued, “My study of Lena showed me she was a cat in the King Tut era.”

I thought cats were sacred or something back then and maybe Lena was sacred for King Tut. This sounds like a movie to me.

“Two lives ago, Lena was human and had some terrible stomach problems,” Rosa interrupted my thoughts, “This is causing her problems now.

“She will die a painful death if you don’t resolve them,” she continued, “A vet would charge you at least $4000 for treatment, and they won’t know until it’s too late,” she predicted ominously.

“So what should we do,” I questioned hesitantly.

“If you can bring her in for about two hours daily next week, I will commune with her and do a special massage,” she detailed, “and you will have to burn candles around her and a couple of other things.”

Before I could ask about the “other things,” she continued, “It will only be $1100. We should be able to get everything worked out in about six weeks of sessions.”

I had reached my psychic threshold.

“You know Rosa I must clear this with my wife.” I’m sure Rosa understood. She’s a psychic.

I have not called back.