The world seems to swirl around me, catching me in the current, not abiding contemplation, demanding decisions without the time to consider all of the information, denying peaceful moments of considering risk and benefits.

This is a sideshow to aging.

i have been awash in dealing with it, not necessarily depressed but passive in my efforts to be productive. After all, productivity is no longer required even though it is intrinsic in my being.

The medical world has descended upon me in spades. It is mostly annoying but required to ensure some annoyance will not develop into a life threatening condition…or worse. So, this is a requirement even though the medical community is awash in computer wizardry, which separates the providers from patients’ concerns. This is a whammo for the old Navy officer who worked hard to ensure my commands were improving in performance of their mission while the sailors were treated well with their needs addressed.

After chasing the medical gremlins, i stop and avoid the news and, as much as i can, don’t comment or reflect on the sour turn to fear, anger, hate, and greed our politicians and their followers want us all to pursue. i do reflect on how fortunate i am with daughters and their families, my wife, our home, my friends. i perform tasks, some needed, some not. i write for me when so compelled, but no longer make those writings public every day.

i suspect i am at a crossroads and hope it leads me to what i imagined life would be in my 80s: reading the rather large collection of books i have on shelves, plus those that come across my trail, listening to music, telling tales to those who might like to hear or read them, reflecting on a rather kaleidoscopic life, wishing i could pass on what i’ve learned and observed from living it, watching the sunsets, enjoying dinners, taking in the coolness of the early mornings.

i also hope this turn onto the road i choose allows me to post more things for my friends, not for adulation, or praise, but just express how damn good this life is if we focus on what is good, refusing to wallow in the fear, hate, anger, and greed that seems to envelop us today, and encourage all of us, including myself, to do the right thing.

Sleep well. i will.